i dont know, you dont know

haha its suprise me that I named my post with the almost same title. what the lahh weh...
I dont deal with bad news & I dont know how to deal
I am caught of having idealess mind! haha. Or maybe, I am caught of copycating my self! haha. Ok, I sounds weird.

You know what, sometimes this is how I deal most of my mourn morning. I make jokes of my ownself.

Ada satu pagi tu, while waiting for the traffic lights to turn to go signal; I made this one (mind you, this is myself talking to myself,dont laugh if dont find its funny)

"Macamana lah nak ACD nih, satu ilmu pun takde wehh gila risau"
"alah, bawak ah pelita nanti masa hari assessment"
"ha?"
"ilmu kan pelita hidup"

HAHAHAHAHHAHA

I laughed then change the gear, as the lights turned green.

I KNOW ITS LAME. I KNOW. SOB SOB

i dont know how to deal

Its really suprise me how this particular someone had got me. Im always being affected emotionally by her actions. She was not an important person at all, almost having zero contact with me. (oh not really close into zero, I spoke to her once). I couldnt elaborate more on how she's connected to me. It wasnt fair anyway. It wasnt fair for me to feel this way too, but I am feeling disturbed by her actions. what the hell is going on with me. I wish she doesnt have to share to same close lifelines with me. I mean, I am supposed to be separate from her. I am always trying my best not to be closed to any of her connections. But she's everywhere. I feel like punching myself because of this kind feeling. Gila weh gila. Sometimes, I doubt her. Did she did everything to make me feel suffer? To show that she got that power too? Or to show "hey zam, I can conquer this anyway". because obviously she doesnt have to do any of that unless her intention is to menyakitkan hati saya. I am damn mad sometimes. If I were her, I wont do that. Its just enough and you got to stop. Go away and deal your own life, why you still be bothered anyway?

*forgive me of my rant. maybe this is the time of the month. what a lame excuses. pffttt

alhamdullilah. yesterday, i received a good news, my application to change the discipline in the SKG is being approved! yayyy, i've been waiting for almost a year! next thing is, study for the assessment which is in early august.

can I read/understand/digest everything in a moooonthhh times?? *faint*

o my god, my english is getting worst. i takes the whole morning just to reply emails. i hate writing emails to org2 besar, like HOD, managers, senior managers and all. especially technical emails. sometimes its just hard when u want to say something bad but you dont want to look that bad. heh.

my heart can't tell. apa mau buat? i still can't decide. hmmm

is it really a matter if i dont want to approve someone friend request on facebook? lets say someone that i just knew back in college but not really someone that i'm closed to. or someone that work in the same office with me, but we dont really speak to each other in real life. and if i approved they dont bother to say hi or anything, so its not that wrong to ignore right? i just dont feel i want to share everything with everyone (again). its just not the time.

pointless

i was writing something useful from my training today at the office, but i couldnt be able to finished it. i am so lazy i guess, or just because i have so many things in my mind, when i tried to finish writing up something, something that i think more important came, so i write down other things, but then i realized i want to do something else. so that is why i never settled anything. bad zamzila bad. heh.

tomorrow, 17th of June. 10 months of my working life. 10 months in kerteh. sometimes i think i just have half of my heart here, and the other half i left it, in kuala lumpur i guess. thats why i do everything half-hearted. bad excuses.

ugh. i dont know what i am babbling about. im working on something serious right now. wish me good luck. oh, its a secret...shhhhh. if i succeed i will tell u yeah. hihi.

Gambarouuuuuuuuuu ^^